New Options

We were recently approached by the state with a possible opportunity to adopt two siblings (not the ones we are currently fostering). The state wants to know if we're interested, and shared some details with us. We have asked for more details, and are considering the possibility. It's hard knowing that any kid(s) we bring into our home will bring a short lifetime of hurts and trauma. We have to figure out what we're able to take on because we are and aren't equipped to deal with some scenarios. There will be help and resources available, but without knowing the future it's hard to know if we're best equipped for those children. We can provide love, routines, advocacy, access to resources and services, but what if we aren't able to really help someone? When we adopt it needs to be a permanent placement. The kids in foster care don't need to keep shuffling around. They need homes. How do you know if you're the right people? It's not that we're lazy, or unwilling, it's wondering where is the best place for these kids. Is it with us? It's definitely had us thinking, wondering, and praying about what to do. This also would either interrupt or cancel the private adoption. You can really only take on one kid (or sibling group) at a time, so that you can focus on them, and their needs to the best of your ability. We're honestly not sure which direction we should head. It's nice having options, but sometimes too many options can feel overwhelming. We just want to offer our home, hearts, and lives to kids that need it. So we're trying to figure out which option might be best. We originally signed up to foster so we could adopt through the state. So, we will see. Would love prayers, and good thoughts <3 Much love from the Hosmans <3

Attached

People tell me that they don't think they could foster because they would get too attached to the kids. When they say this does it mean they don't think I'm attached? That I can tuck my heart away and not be affected by the two small kiddos we've been raising in our home for the last six months? 

This is so far from the truth that it's not funny. 

I'm a total softie. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have shed more tears over the kids we've cared for in the last year doing foster care than I probably have in my life. I love these kids. I will be heartbroken when it's time for them to leave. You have to love these kids wholeheartedly. They need to be able to love, and be loved to grow and develop, and form future attachments. When it's over we will cry, and grieve, and miss those kids so much. It's not easy to love when you know it isn't permanent, but there are no guarantees in relationships of any sort. To love is to risk, and it's worth it. These kids will always have a place in our hearts, and our love. That is permanent. We're attached, and it's a great thing for all of us. 

Every Hero Has A Story

My day job is being the Library Director at the Grangeville Centennial Library. It's a part time job (which works well with being a Foster Mom). I love that I get to use so many of my previous job experience at this job, and also my love of reading. I love the Summer Reading programs. In the past they hired someone to run them, but since running programs for kids and families is near and dear to my heart it's been my joy to run them each summer. This summer our them is Every Hero Has A Story. We're making it all about Super Heroes, both real and fictional. It's a very fun theme, and both the kids and all the staff and volunteers are excited to start it next week.

Part of the plan is to talk about what makes a hero. It's not just strength, wisdom, cunning, or a snazzy pair of tights. It's the heart. It's the desire to help others regardless of your own safety and well being. It's the heart to care and help. I've met some heroes in this journey to adopt. Foster parents, caseworkers, organizations that are trying to help and advocate for families.

Being a foster parent is tough, but I wouldn't want to be a caseworker. It's not just dealing with kids, but families, the legal/judicial side, the other agencies, and many other people. They are required to follow processes in times that I'm sure they'd love to take these kids home. There are a few people that I work with at the office that are so kind, caring, compassionate, and go out of their way to try to make this hard process somewhat easier.

I think of my husband, who is wonderful with the kids, and a steadying presence for me. He is a Super Hero to me. He listens, supports, and is a great role model to these little kids. He is constantly amazing me with his heart and love.

We did respite for a couple that has been doing Foster Care for 18 years now! They are total Super Heroes! They have opened their home and hearts to kids who need them. It's takes perseverance to foster. It's not always cupcakes and sunshine, it can be tough. I am in awe of those whose heart can take a beating over and over again when they have to say goodbye to kids that they love and care for in their homes.

I am also in awe of those parents that have already adopted through Foster Care. They knew it was going to be a tough journey, but they forged ahead with love and determination to bring a kid into their lives and hearts. They have paved the way for others to see that it can and should be done.

Adopting doesn't make someone a super hero, it's the heart to adopt that does. I strive to be able to be able to offer not just love, but support, advocacy, commitment and determination to our children. The other part of being a Super Hero is having a story. A story to share your heart, your journey, and to let others know how it's done. I'm so excited to see how our story will be told, and appreciate that others want to hear about this journey.

Building Them Up...

One of our goals in Foster Care is to build up the children in our care. We want to help them to thrive, grow, develop, be nutured, love and be loved (among other things). This is a time when they are safe, and we are striving to meet all of their needs. We can teach new skills, words, ideas, manners, routines, and so much more.

As we help build the little kids in our home I wonder who is building up our kids (the ones who we will adopt and give a forever home)? Whose care are they in right now? Is someone teaching them to trust and love and know that they are special? Is someone listening and caring for them as we do for the kids in our care? I wonder what kind of shape these kids will be in, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, socially, etc.? I pray that whomever is responsible for them right now is hoping and praying for a good home for them For someone to love them as much as they do.

My foster child just got his foot caught under the couch and came to me for a kiss on the foot to make it better. Just a tiny kiss on the foot and he's off and running again. I hope somewhere a loving foster parent is taking care of our kids with love and kindness tonight.

Ideally

Prior to entering Home Study part of the Waiting Child Program (through A New Beginning Adoption Agency) you have to do an intake interview. Part of that is checking yes, no, or maybe to the long list of descriptions/behaviors I talked about in my last post. They want to have parameters to help find a good match (not just for us, but also for the kiddo who'll be coming into our home). It's hard to try and figure out what the ideal situation will look like. We have a general idea, but we're open to the different possibilities.

Foster Care has taught us to not have specific expectations. While it is a system, it still is full of individuals and you can't always predict what will happen. We thought we'd only have the kiddos in our home for a few weeks, and we're now coming up to the six month mark. We didn't know what to expect from the kids, from the system, or even from ourselves. We're learning to take things day to day. This helps me with my own expectations of myself, and the unrealistic ones I had in regards to bringing two little kids into our home. Letting go of the expectation that I can have a clean house when I'm up all night with a teething baby. I'm figuring it out slowly, but surely.

I have been realizing that the joy of the journey in life is letting go of expectations and idealistic notions, so when the unexpected comes along you can be open to a better situation. When I was younger I had all these notions of what my life would look like. It is not the way I imagined, it is better. Way better. I wouldn't trade what I have now for those unrealistic ideals from before. Ideally, there is no ideal. Life can take on whatever shape it wants, and I will enjoy the unexpected delights that it offers.

Wheels

We did our intake today and are now officially in the Homestudy process! Hooray! We should be able to get this next part done by mid/late June (if not earlier). We then will be able to move on to the next step. The wheels are in motion, and we have piles of paperwork to get started on. 

Meanwhile, we are still fostering the two kiddos, and while we cannot talk about case specifics, things are also in motion. There is no set end date, but we know it's out there. Sometimes things go very slowly, and sometimes things start to change without much notice. The fostering process has really tested our patience, and my ability to plan ahead. 

You literally have to take things day to day. You have to constantly keep your focus on the kids. You have to love with permanency and all the devotion of forever while reminding your heart that it's going to be ripped apart in the future. You have to love with an open heart and open hands. 

It's hard, I'm not going to pretend it's not hard. I love these kids. I worry for them. They need us to care for their daily needs, to help shape their behaviors, attitudes, and hearts.  

Tonight a friend (thanks so much Connie!!!) lent the two year old a bike and helmet to use. The joy on his face as Jeff helped wheel him around (peddling will be worked on) made a very rough day of dealing with the ups and downs of the foster care system worthwhile. These kids make it worth it. They don't actually make it easier, lol. When do two little kids make life easy? But they make it richer. They make it sweeter. They make the moments of peace and rest that much better. 

They make us better every day we have them in our lives, and in our hearts. 

I've also been considering how to become an advocate for kids in Foster Care. This adventure has opened my eyes to the need for advocacy for these kids. I am not sure what that will look like, but I'm going to pursue this, and see what I can find out. Advocating and being a voice for kids in foster care is needed in our home, in our city, state, and nationally. I'm excited to see where this will lead, and what I can do to help. I will work on the one way I know how right now- which is loving these energetic, sweet, crazy little kids who are in our lives, and home right now.

When Bandaids Won't Work...

Our little kiddos have been unwell with ear infections, colds, and fevers over the last few weeks. Seeing them unwell, cranky, and sick is so emotionally taxing, because there is only so much you can do. I was up last night at 2 a.m. feeding the baby, and trying to help the toddler back to sleep and I thought about how sickness is temporary. They will get better, and continue to thrive and grow. I also thought about how kids who are or have been in Foster Care have issues, and illnesses that won't get better right away. Bandaids, and baby tylenol won't work on some of the "owies" that have been inflicted on these kids. We will love them, fight for them, find any resource that they need, but it's going to take time. It may be a lifelong issue for these kids, and we as their parents will be making a lifelong commitment to them.

We are about to start on the Home Study part of our adoption and we were sent a survey that makes you think about what behaviors or descriptive characteristics you are able to accept (or not accept). The list is long, and full of things that no adult should have to ever deal with, and these are the things these kids have to deal with every day. We have to look at what we are able to take on, and what we're able to help provide services, resources, knowledge about for this child. These kids do not come with a clean slate, but you have to give them every opportunity to make a fresh start. It's a process that we will learn and figure out along the way. There will be things that come up and we will figure it out. I know that we may not have all the answers. We will make mistakes. It won't be easy, but we are committed. We're committed to this kid (or kids) always. We have committed love and care to give them and that can cover a multitude of owies, or at least give hope to a kid who hasn't had any.